We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sues
by Loptr
Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, MarySue population...about 800.
1. Mary who?

We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sue's

Estellio

Rating: Pg

Genre: Humour

Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, Mary-Sue population...about 800.

A/N: A friend of mine innocently directed me to a wonderful website called 'encyclopaedia dramatica'. While we were reading I noticed an article on our beloved 'Mary Sue' and forced him to click it. He was completely unaware of my fanfic background and was captivated by all this but didn't understand the convulsions I was sent into by the mere mention of Ensign Mary-Sue, the 16 year old Ensign who falls in love with Captain Kirk and dies in his arms after valiantly saving Enterprise from a near impossible situation with a bobby pin. All of a sudden, I discovered I missed writing, so when this concept came to mind, I felt compelled to return to the fanfiction genre or more specifically, the Mary Sue genre and no genre is more welcoming to Mary Sues than Star Trek the Original Series :)

_**IOIOIO**_

The crash made the hairs on the back of Christine's neck rise and it was a physical effort to turn around and face the mess. Thick, viscous, green liquid was edging along the floor towards her slowly from a puddle at the feet of a terrified looking ensign who was splattered with the stuff. Sighing, Christine pulled herself up onto the work bench as the green liquid oozed over where she had been standing.

"Ensign Ryan," She said wearily, "report to detox and then see Doctor McCoy to make sure you haven't done any permanent damage to yourself." The ensign stood there in horror, her hands still out in front of her like claws to grab the smashed container. She looked up at Chapel with wide, frightened eyes.

"A...are you sure? I mean, I can...I could...well...clean this up?" The Ensign stuttered, her voice an octave a two higher than usual.  
"Go now!" She snapped, her temper rising. The Ensign flinched and hurried into the detox room, sealing the door behind her. Christine was sure she saw the girls eyes watering and immediately regretted snapping at her, but it was quickly becoming too much to handle. Ensign Ryan had been shipped aboard with a contingent of about 15 wet-behind-the-ear Ensigns fresh out of the Academy. The Science department had gotten 3, engineering 2, command 8 and 1 for medical along with a new yeoman for the Captain. According to McCoy, Ensign Scott had proved a god send. Not only was he competent but knowledgeable, quiet and witty. Leonard was in love, so to speak, and so was Christine in so far as it allowed her more time in the labs. Well, she had been pleased about working more in the labs _before_ Ensign Ryan was assigned to her. Never before had she seen someone so clumsy and unsure of herself. The credentials were there, if they weren't she'd never have been picked for duty on a ship of the line. She had come fourth in her class at the Academy (It's worth mentioning that it was out of eight hundred and seventy two individuals.) She had won the Zephram Cochrane's scholarship to the Academy and had won numerous awards for her scientific achievements all through high school. By all reports she was an innovative, bright and confident. The girl Christine had been exposed to was seriously lacking in common sense. She could have understood it for the first week, maybe, but she had been here for almost three weeks now and showed now sign of settling down and getting to work. She was young, Christine had to admit she was surprised when the girl had walked in looking like she was closer to 16 than 21 but she mainly attributed this to the girls permanently terrified nature and short stature. If she was to honest with herself, Ensign Katie Ryan was the poorest excuse for a Starfleet Officer she had ever seen.

Sighing again, Christine edged her way along the counter to a space by the door where the goo hadn't yet spread and jumped down. Hitting the intercom with a little more force than necessary, she called for a clean-up team to take care of lab 4 before she stepped into the bioscanner to determine whether or not she had to detox. As the red light clicked on the scanner began to hum softly, she felt the energy go out of her. What was she going to do with that Ensign?

_**IOIOIO**_

Ensign Charmaine Kashwini bit her lip and threw a look over to Ensign Taylor Stephens. Taylor shrugged, just as unsure of how to react as Charmaine. The young Indian woman resisted the urge to sigh and walked over to the bed, perching lightly on the corner and stroking Katie's back reassuringly.

"I'm sure it wasn't all that bad." She said softly, throwing Taylor another desperate look.

'what am I supposed to do?' he mouthed and threw himself into a large, pink armchair in the corner of the room.

"You didn't see her, Charm. She was so angry, I could tell. She was trying to hide it but I could tell she was. I don't know what happened, one minute I was bringing the container over to the scanner and suddenly it just slipped through my fingers. It was like a I just lost all power in my hands then 'crash!'" A fresh wave of sobs overcame the girl and Taylor threw Charmaine a pleading look of 'make it stop'.

"We all make mistakes, it wasn't your fault." Charmaine said, moving to stroke the girls short, mousy brown hair.

"What about breaking the scanner, was that my fault? How about knocking over all of Mister Spock's specimen trays, I guess that wasn't my fault either. You should have seen the look he gave me. I bet he hates me." Katie wept into her pillow, her hands clenching into white fists around the cloth.

"He's a Vulcan, Katie. He couldn't hate you if he tried." Taylor said reassuringly from the chair in the corner of the room. Katie's sobs only seemed to intensify and Taylor threw his eyes skywards. Ever since she had first arrived on the Enterprise Katie had been becoming steadily more and more depressed. At the Academy she had been outgoing, bubbly, a little slow to catch onto certain jokes maybe but she was happy and above all else...competent. No one had any idea what had struck her since coming aboard Enterprise but it seemed to just go from bad to worse. Charmaine sighed and tucked a stray lock of jet black hair behind her ear, careful of the gold hoops that chased up the outside of the shell. When it appeared Katie wasn't going to stop crying she grabbed her braid and began to worry it in her hands, throwing Taylor a desperate look. Neither of them knew what to do. No matter what they said she just cried harder.

"Well...did you ever think there might be something wrong with you?" Taylor said finally, flinching when Charmaine shot him a look so dark he was sure a light had gone out somewhere on the ship. To their amazement, Katie stopped crying and looked up at him, her pale skin red and swollen from crying and her eyes bloodshot and tired.

"What do you mean, 'wrong with me?'" She asked, snivelling.

"Well...you seem to be dropping things constantly, right? You never did that before, did you?"

"No." Katie sniffed, wiping her nose with the sleeve of her uniform causing Taylor to make a face and look away.

"Well...Maybe you've contracted something?"

"Like what?" Katie snapped suddenly, "the clumsy virus?"

"Well I don't know." Taylor said, getting to his feet and throwing his arms up. "But it seems to me that there could be something muscular wrong with you. You said when you knocked over Mr. Spock's trays that it was like a muscle spasm. Today you said you dropped the container because you lost feeling in your hands. What if there's something medically wrong with you? I mean, you did go down on an away mission to that newly terraformed moon to check on its progress. You and Mr Spock were the only ones down there, what if you caught something? I mean, hey, I'm no doctor, we'd have to ask Darren but maybe that's what's wrong?" He shrugged, sinking back into the chair and looking at Charmaine. Her expression was unreadable and Katie was just staring at him blankly, blinking slowly. "Jeese, I'm just saying maybe you should get checked out." Katie sniffed violently and flopped back onto the pillows.

"I'll think about it." Charmaine bent over her and made a reassuring noise, moving to stroke her hair. "I'm tired, ye better go." Katie said, rolling onto her side in dismissal. Charm got to her feet and ushered Taylor to do the same. He followed her our, albeit reluctantly. As soon as the doors shut behind them, Charm turned on him.

"What the hell was that all about? 'Something WRONG with her?' Did you leave your common sense behind at Starbase?"

"What? Seems to me like it is more than nerves and if it IS just nerves..." A slow smile spread across Taylor's face.

"What? What's that smile for?" Charm asked cautiously, eyeing him up carefully.

"Well...We'll get Darren to check her out, right? And he'll say there really is something wrong? See where I'm going with this?"

"I think so, go on."  
"We'll have him prescribe a 'treatment' and then, she'll regain her confidence and things will go back to normal." Taylor beamed with pride at his plan. Charm ignored him, worrying the end of her braid again.

"I don't know, Taylor, I don't like lying to her like this."

"Oh come on, Charm, it's for her own good. What could possibly go wrong?" He laughed. Charm gave him the evil eye again.

"You forget, this is the Starship Enterprise. This ship proves Murphy's Law."

_**IOIOIO**_

"Subcommander, there's a ship coming into range." The Romulan's hands danced across his console, his brow furrowing as he pulled up the relevant detail.

"On screen Centurion." Subcommander El'ar ordered, sitting forward in her chair, arms crossed and leaning on her knees.

"It has dropped off scanners again but I got a lock. It was a Federation ship. Most probably constitution class judging from the size." The Centurion frowned at his screen. "It has probably entered the Elstar Nebula which is why it is no longer on scanners, I estimate it will not leave the nebula for another 2.4 hours but judging from speed and trajectory…it is heading right for us." He looked back at the Subcommander who was frowning thoughtfully, running her long nails against her lips. "Sublieutenant Val, go inform the Commander. He is in his ready room." A young woman at the science console leapt to her feet with a crisp salute and scurried off. Normally the new addition to the crew annoyed her but this time, El'ar was too intent on the star map before her which show Centruion Vohk's estimated course for the ship. It passed too close to the planet for coincidence. The Federation's supervisor has arrivied…but a constitution class? That seemed a little heavy handed for a simple scientific recon mission, even if this planet was only one sector away from the Romulan Neutral Zone. "Keep an eye on that ship, Vohk. I have a…feeling, things are about to get very interesting."

**_ IOIOIO_**

You know what a review whore I am so click the button, even if it's to tell me you hate it...but then I'm throwing petrol bombs at your house :) You have been warned


	2. The Clumsy Virus

We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sue's

Estellio

Rating: Pg

Genre: Humour

Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, Mary-Sue population...about 800.

A/N: Sorry this is a little late. Kinda a bad start :P Lost my usb stick, aka: My cat likes to pick things up and carry them to where I can't get them. Anyway, here it is.

** Mnesomne's Tears**: The bobby pin thing is from the original Mary Sue fanfic as far as I know. It was that legend I was describing. Although, Mary Sues have the tendency to repeat themselves, so who knows? A bobby pin could save the day in this one also :D

**Traycon 3 and Fishey Me**: Firstly, I love the name :) Secondly, the sneaky thing is, is that they're all _supposed _to be Mary Sues but...you'll see :D I mean, look at the crew of the Enterprise and tell me they don't all fit the bill of Mary Sue...you'll soon get your answers (and a whole bunch of more questions) but that'll come in time. evil laugh

**  
**

IOIOIO

"Mister Spock, what can you tell us about Terra project 51?" Kirk asked loudly, swiveling in his chair which made a shrill squeak. Mr Spock winced imperceptibly then activated the screen in the centre of the table.

"Teraject 51 is the 51st experiment in the terraforming project launched by the Federation this decade. It is a small planetoid which had a scant atmosphere unable to support life, by now; it should be have an oxygen nitrogen atmosphere and chlorophyll based plant life. It has an intriguing system of underground caverns filled with ice which may hint at it being a habitable world some millions of years ago. If the project has been successful, it is again." Mister Spock finished and sat back, turning to look at Kirk.

"Thank you Mister Spock." The Captain said, looking at his screen. "I think the same procedure we've used for all the terraforming projects we're checking up on in this sector. I don't foresee any difficulties, do you Mister Spock?"

"None, Captain."

"Well then, standard away team, Mister Spock and let's air our new recruits. I understand Science got three?" For a brief moment, Spock looked like he was about to say something but he merely arched an eyebrow.

"All three, Captain? Are you sure that's...advisable?" Kirk turned back in his chair, the high pitched squeal causing even the humans in the room to grimace.

"Why, yes I do, Spock. They've come here for training and I intend to give it to them and give it well...do you have any objections?"

"None Captain, it is merely that I feel some might benefit more from being in the lab with Nurse Chapel." Spock said easily.

"Well they've have plenty of time in the lab as we make our way back to Research Lab Primavera with our analysis on the eight planets we've served in the last three weeks. Dismissed." Kirk said smiling humorlessly over his steepled fingers. McCoy, Scotty and Sulu all filed out but Kirk placed a hand on Spock's arm as he walked past. "Is there something you'd like to tell me Mister Spock? Are the recruits not performing to your satisfaction?"

"The recruits are here for a learning experience, I do not expect them to perform like seasoned Starfleet Officers."

"But…" Kirk prompted. Spock merely raised an eyebrow. "Dismissed, Mister Spock." Kirk sighed, sitting back down in the chair as his officer left. Without thinking he began to swing slightly in his chair and the resulting squeal caused him to swear. "Dammit." He punched the comm. "Scotty, will you send someone up to the briefing room to oil my chair. It's driving me insane."  
"Will do sir." Kirk ran his hands over his tired face. So far, he had heard nothing but glowing reports from everyone about the recruits so why did he get the feeling that Mister Spock disapproved? "Computer, bring up the files on the recruits."

IOIOIO

Katie looked around the lab carefully as she entered. Nurse Chapel was gone and all of the technicians were preparing for the new data they'd receive from Teraject 5, so she had the place to herself. With a sigh of relief she sat down and turned on the computer, bringing up the data on the samples they had been testing over the last couple of weeks from their last away mission. So far everything looked as expected but the exciting thing about space travel was the high chance of the unexpected. Katie could feel the tension ease in her shoulders as she worked through the files slowly, but steadily, making comments, notations then carefully filing them away and marking them as reviewed. Before she realized it, it was time for lunch and she had reviewed twenty four different samples.

"Making good progress, Ryan." She grinned, nodding to her reflection in the screen before heading to the messhall.

Charmaine was already there with Darren Scott from Medical and Luke Emmerson from Engineering.

"Hey guys." She flashed a smile as she sat down, setting a tray of fruit pieces in front of her.

"You're looking better." Charmaine smiled, reaching across to pat her hand.

"I got so much done today. There was no one else in the labs too so I had it all to myself."

"Yeah, we're only three days away from Teraject 5, all the senior staff are preparing for the away mission. I can't wait. Mister Spock said we're going down too. We need to clock up the hours planet side." Katie froze with a slice of apple half way to her mouth.

"What?"

"Yeah, isn't it so cool? I wish I could go but Engineers belong in the engine room." Luke sighed, flicking a lock of blonde hair behind him exaggeratedly. "My burden, my curse, my wee poor barins." Darren and Charmaine started laughing but Katie was still staring at her fruit.

"An away mission?" She said, putting the apple slice down. "I don't want to go on another away mission. Mister Spock was horrible on the last one. He corrected everything I did and watched me like a hawk. It made me so uncomfortable."

"Well that's his job, sweetie." Luke said, giving her a lopsided grin that made him look like a nine year old boy in his father's uniform.

"I know but I –" She was cut off when, without warning, her hand jerked and her fork went flying across the room to clatter on an empty table.

"What the hell, Katie!" Luke exclaimed as Darren sat forward and grabbed her wrist. Her arm was still trembling slightly.

"Has this been happening often?" He asked, his voice so quiet she had to strain to hear it. Darren was Scottish and spoke softly making it difficult to understand him most of the time.

"Never like that, I mean, I've been shaking a little but that's just nervousness and stress, isn't it?" Katie looked around the table, eyes wide. "Isn't it!" Darren stood up taking his soup to the recycler.

"Finish your fruit and we'll go to sickbay and get you checked out." He said quietly as he returned to the table. Katie looked down at the apple slices, banana pieces, strawberries and blackberries in the small bowl in front of her. She loved fruit but all of a sudden, she couldn't bring herself to eat. Darren stared her down until she had polished off every last piece and as she popped the last orange section into her mouth, he rose. "It's important to eat your three square meals a day." He said, offering a small smile. "McCoy would be annoyed if I made you skip lunch, especially such a health one."

"I like fruit." She offered weakly, following him out of the messhall, giving a little wave to Charmaine and Luke as the doors closed.

"You should have come to sickbay." He said, as the stopped, waiting for the turbolift.

"That never happened before. I mean, my hand has been cramping but I'm on the computer all day and I thought the shaking was nerves. Everyone's been shouting at me lately…" She sighed, looking away, defeated.

"I don't shout at you." Darren said, touching her arm lightly.

"No, well…you don't shout at all, do you?" She offered a small smile and stepped into the turbolift as the two security officers stepped out.

"I do sometimes. When I have to." He chuckled. "I have four brothers and three sisters, it gets very noisy in my house."

"Wow! Eight kids!" Katie turned to look at him, smiling. "I thought my brothers were a hand full and there are only three of them. Well, two really, Mike was already out of the house when I was little, I was the youngest."

"Me too." Darren smiled and looked towards the door as it opened. It was a short walk to sickbay and when she entered, they found Mister Spock and Doctor McCoy deep in argument.

"Don't get me started on what is logical, Pointy because as far as I'm concerned I'm right."

"Such is often the case with you, Doctor."

"Damn straight, I'm always right."

"No, you think you are."

They were cut off when Darren led her into a private examination room and closed the door, he appeared completely undisturbed by the altercation outside.

"Do they do that often?" Katie asked, straining to see through the tiny circular windows in the doors.

"It's practically tradition. I'd be more worried if they agreed on something." Darren gave her a small smile and eased her back onto the biobed. He turned on the scanner and the sound of her heartbeat echoed across the room. Darren worked quietly, adjusting dials and looking at the monitor above her bed. He nodded to himself and picked up a scanner, coming to stand beside the bed and run it over her. He kept his eyes trained on the tricorder the entire time and occasionally nodded or shook his head. Katie lay there quietly, watching him. Darren was one of the few recruits who didn't exude an aura of uncertainty and was the only one who looked older than what he actually was. Katie decided it was the dark stubble that covered his jaw and raced up his cheeks to join his hair that made him look older and his quiet demeanor that made him seem like he knew what he was doing. If there was one thing that she noticed about recruits was that they all seemed too starched and pressed and they all seemed poised on the edge of motion as if hyper. Darren was nothing like that and, in fact, seemed completely comfortable where he was and with what he was doing.

"Well, prelim results show nothing too abnormal but you have an unusually high white blood cell count." He said thoughtfully.

"Is that bad?" She asked, straining her neck to see the readouts.

"Well, that's not what's causing your spasms but it does mean something is wrong." He passed his hand over her again, occasionally adjusting things on the tricorder. She lay quietly while he worked, the minutes slipping by before a series of loud, obtrusive beeps issued from the tricorder.

"You've caught some sort of virus. It's attacking the nervous system which is why you are shaking and having muscle spasms."

"Why didn't they pick it up in the medical examination when I came back?" Katie asked, looking down at her hands as if they were about to leap up and attack her.

"It was probably dormant or in an incubatory period. It is not particularly violent but it is weakening the muscles and causing electrical impulses that are interfering with the normal routine of your own nervous system. I'll need to call Doctor McCoy." He walked to the door and as soon as it slid open before him, the argument from the other room poured in once more.

"In a pigs eye, Spock. You're so full of yourself that you can't accept – "

"Doctor McCoy, I need your assistance." Darren cut him off in mid sentence and immediately McCoy's attention turned from Spock to Darren.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Ensign Ryan has contacted some sort of virus which is attacking her nervous system. It doesn't appear to be particularly aggressive but it is interfering with her bodies normal functions. I am unsure how to treat it." McCoy turned away, completely forgetting about Mister Spock and rushing into the room. When Darren turned to look at Mister Spock he almost looked contrite before he turned and left the room. McCoy ran a medical tricorder over her as if he didn't trust Scott's readings and grunted. He walked to a cabinet and withdrew a hypospray, loading it with a pale pink liquid.

"Don't worry Ensign, we'll have you alright in a jif." He winked at her before pressing the hypo to her neck and sending her into a dreamless sleep.

IOIOIO

"Commander?" Lieutenant Val stepped forward hesitantly, hands clasped behind his back and face determined in the hopes the Commander wouldn't notice her nervousness.

"What do you have to report, Sublieutenant?" The Commander said in a clam, monotone voice without turning around. Val swallowed around the lump in her throat. Val had worked her way up the ranks on a planet side station and she found the crew of the 'Deneve' rather intimidating.

"It appears a Constitution Class Federation Ship has entered this region. It's heading right for us." She hesitated again.

"What is it Sublieutenant." The Commander asked drolly, sensing her discomfort but still seemingly uninterested.

"It isn't natural for them to send a Constitution Class ship on a science mission. Constitution class ships are primarily for deep space exploration, not scientific check ups…and the Enterprise was reported only two sectors away by the 'Helene'." Although the chair did not turn around, she could hear the rasp of a uniform shifting against the chair as the Commander sat up.

"The Enterprise?" There was a hint of a smile in those words. "I see, very interesting. Very interesting indeed. I wonder why they sent that ship to do something so…rudimentary."

"Sir?" Val's brows furrowed for a moment and even though she knew the Commander could not see her, she smoothened out her features to a blank mask.

"Someone's been sloppy, the Federation know someone has been interfering with their terraforming projects. That is why they are sending that ship out…this is a very interesting turn of events indeed." The Commander paused a moment and Val saw the Commander hunch forward slightly, resting elbows on knees and steepling fingers that briefly touched lips. "Have Subcommander El'ar recall our ground troops and technicians. Cloak the ship and go on silent mode. I want to see what they're going to do." Val waited for a moment to see if there was any more orders to be added before saluting and turning on heel to march away. She had a bad feeling about this.


	3. Questions

We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sue's

Estellio

Rating: Pg

Genre: Humour

Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, Mary-Sue population...about 800.

_**IOIOIO**_

Kirk smiled at his new Yeoman as she handed him the daily report.

"Good evening, yeoman, how are you finding life aboard a starship." He asked, turning his charm up to maximum. The girl was young, perhaps only nineteen with auburn hair kept tightly in a French braid and a healthy pink flush in her cheeks. It was her eyes that distracted Kirk the most; they were bright green and seemed the shimmer silver when she moved. More than one crewman had made a move on the young ensign only to receive a lashing of her razor sharp wit and stinging comebacks. Kirk repressed a sigh. Around the crew she was animated and cheerful but she seemed to switch into robot mode around him, being cautiously polite and reserved. "Fine, Sir, thank you."

"No one giving you any trouble?" He pretended to ask the question flippantly, being engrossed in the report but it was often hard on young girls on long range Starships like his Enterprise. Rand had had a terrible time of it when she first arrived and she was a feisty woman who had been easily able to care of herself, this girl with her quite manner, would be prey to some of the less scrupulous men on board.

"No, Sir." She answered; almost too quickly. He signed his name at the end of the report but didn't hand it back to her.

"Oh? That didn't sound very convincing." He smiled at her, trying to exude a comforting, fatherly aura.

"Oh you know what boys can be like." She gave a little chuckle and a shrug.

"There shouldn't be any boys aboard this ship. There should be men who know how to treat a young woman." When she saw she wasn't going to receive an easy exit from this conversation she set him with a stern look and dove for the pad. He moved it out of her grasp and couldn't help but laugh at her frustrated curse. "Yeoman?"

"I can handle myself, Sir. If someone makes an advance on me I don't want, I'll put him in his place fast. I'm a big girl and I'd appreciate it if you treated me like one. All I get off you officers is a condescending tone and pitying look as if this is the first time I've ventured out into the real world!" The fierce look she gave him reminded him oddly of Spock during his fights with McCoy and he suppressed the urge to laugh again.

"I 'm sorry, Yeoman, I didn't realize I had talked down to you at any point."

"Laura! For gods sake I wasn't christened 'yeoman'! I haven't worn this uniform my whole life! I think I'll scream if people keep using that title." She balled her fists in frustration and looked away. "I'm sorry, sir, that was out of order. I'm just a little stressed."

"Why so?" Kirk asked carefully. She shot him a dirty look.

"You don't give up, do you?" She asked, smiling slightly but trying to hide it.

"I have to be thorough, I'm a Starfleet Captain." He grinned, turning the charm back on.

"Oh it's just, everywhere I went today people only saw the Yeoman uniform. It was like they were better than me and just said 'yeoman, get me this! Yeoman! Get me that!' I'm a yeoman, not a slave!" Kirk frowned, rubbing his chin.

"Well that's not on, certainly. I'll have a word to the department heads about it and let it filter down the ranks. A starship is only worth the officers on board it and the officer on board it rely on the yeoman to help them do their jobs. They're the back bone of this ship. I assure you, if it happens again, they'll be answering to me." At this, his yeoman laughed.

"Oh don't worry, sir. I can take care of myself and don't worry, I wont be back chatting the officers either." She winked at him and then, faster than he could dodge, she took the pad off him. "Thank you for your concern, sir." She turned to walk away.

"Yeoman?"

"Laura!"

"Laura, I'm sorry. Can I ask you some questions?" She turned back to him, one eyebrow raised quizzically in a strange parody or Mister Spock once more.

"Sure, I guess."

"Well…what do you know of the other recruits." Kirk asked as diplomatically as he could. She was fresh, just like them, and his best source of information. He has a terrible suspicion he wanted confirmed.

"Not much I'm afraid. They stick together in their own little groups depending on where they're from. Medical and science stick together, engineering stick together, command are always asleep when I'm up cause they do the night shift so I don't know any of them. I talk to Darren sometimes, he's a nice, quite guy from medical, and Taylor is hitting on me a lot but I avoid him. Charmaine is nice, she's chatty and quite pretty but we really only see each other in passing. Is there anything you want to know in specific?" Kirk thought about what he would say next for a few moments.

"Well, it's just a feeling but like I said, a Starfleet captain has to be thorough…but I get the feeling that the staff heads aren't happy with some of the recruits. If someone is having trouble I'd like to know." Laura nodded, looking thoughtful for a second.

"I don't think so but I can make a few…discreet…enquires if you like. Is that all?"

"Yes, yeo…Laura, thank you." She winked at him again and left. Kirk smiled, thinking that he and this new yeoman would get along quite well.

_**IOIOIO**_

"What are the chances, eh?" Taylor leant back against the wall with a soft thud, his arms crossed against his chest. Charmaine shot him a dirty look but he carried on talking, oblivious. "I mean here I am, saying 'oh, lets _pretend_ all her screw ups are a disease and not her fault' but then she turns out to have one. Crazy world." He let out a long exaggerated sigh. Charmaine was about to unleash her fury on him when the doors to Sickbay opened and Darren entered the corridor. He looked mildly surprised when he saw the two of them waiting outside Sickbay but smiled nonetheless.

"How is she?" Charm asked, turning her attention onto the young Doctor.

"She'll be fine. Doc has her sedated until the drugs run their course."

"Drugs?" Charmaine asked worriedly.

"Don't worry, she just has an infection in her nervous system that was interfering with the natural flow of her bodies electrical signals. That's what was causing the spasms. It'll only take a few hours for them to run their course." He paused to yawn. "Anyway, I've some paperwork to do before my shift ends and I'm tired so if you excuse me." Without waiting to be dismissed, he walked away.

"Hear that? She's gonna be fine. Nothing to worry about." Taylor offered her his most winning smile and got a glare in return. "Hey I don't see why you're so mad at me for! What did I do?" He snapped, returning her glare.

"You're not taking this seriously." Charm snarled, planting hands on hips and facing him.

"Seriously? She's got a damn infection, so what? It can be treated. Darren said she'd be fine in a few hours, quit freaking out already." He kicked off the wall and went to move by her. "You worry too much." He muttered as he passed, turning the bend and moving out of her sight. Charmaine reached around to grab her braid and started worrying it in her hands. Maybe he was right, maybe she did worry too much, but that wasn't to say his nonchalance wasn't a pain in the neck either. Charmaine jumped as the doors to sickbay opened and Doctor McCoy stepped out, he gave her a smile and a nod before slipping past her to walk the same way Darren had gone. Charmaine bit her lip and debated whether or not to go into sickbay and visit Katie. Since she was sedated that wasn't any real reason to but it might make her feel better if she just saw her friend. Leaving her now bristling braid go, she turned on heal and marched after Taylor towards the turbo lift.

_**IOIOIO**_

"All ready Mister Spock?" McCoy asked cheerfully, adjusting the strap of his tricorder.

"Naturally." Spock replied without looking behind him as he did a quick inventory of the equipment.

"Don't trust your team?" McCoy teased, leaning across Spock to pluck up a Spock's tricorder and fiddle with the settings. As predicted, Spock straightened, snatching the tricorder from his grasp with the closest thing to a dirty look the Vulcan ever gave. McCoy chuckled and walked on, past the two cadets they were bringing down on the first run, to stand my Mister Scott's console.

"Were we ever that young?" The Scott asked chuckling. McCoy laughed and leant back against the console, crossing his legs at the ankles.

"Stop it, Scotty, you're making me feel old."

"Are you prepared, Doctor?" Spock asked, walking to where they stood and raising an eyebrow at their smirks.

"I was born prepared. Let's go, Pointy."

"I thought I asked you to refrain from calling me pointy."

"I'm trying Spock, really, I am." McCoy teased and Spock glared at both him, and the chuckling Scotty before moving up to the transporter pad. The various other crew members assembled around him and the world dissolved, the last thing he saw was a grinning Doctor McCoy before he was faced with the calm blue ocean of Terra Project 5.

"Hmm, that's odd." Scotty said, frowning at the controls.

"What was?" Ensign Emmerson asked, looking at the familiar transporter console.  
"Well, I coulda sworn that when we beamed 'em down, I set them down on the hills near the beach." Scotty scratched his cheek, peering at the readings.

"Yeah, so?"

"Well they appeared _on_ the beach. The computer redirected at the last minute and I can't tell why." Emmerson shrugged, scanning the readings.

"Looks like something blocked the beam, the transporter compensated." Emmerson stroked his chin thoughtfully. "You know what, leave it with me Mister Scott. I'll see if I can figure out why it did that and I'll have an answer for you before your finished your rounds." He grinned at Scott with all the charm he could manage.

"Ambitious, I like it." Scott laughed, clapping the younger Ensign on the back. "Alright, you've six hours, Luke. I'll see you at the end of your shift."

"Thank you, sir." He gave a mock salute and set to work on the console as Scotty left. It didn't take long for him to realize that he had absolutely no idea what had went wrong. It was like the beam tried to go around something that wasn't there.


	4. Try explaining that one

We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sue's

Estellio

Rating: Pg

Genre: Humour

Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, Mary-Sue population...about 800.

A/N: Apologies for the late chapter...*cough* I know it's short but you should see more soon. This hasn't been beta'd so I apologise for any mistakes. Lemme know either by pm or review and I'll fix them as soon as I get it. Thanks.

_**IOIOIO**_

McCoy reclined against a tree, shook his auburn hair out of his eyes and wiped the sweat off his brow. He made a mental not to get a haircut as his hair fell back into his eyes and cursed the heavy material of his uniform for perhaps the hundredth time of the day.

"Don't ya know we'd get a lovely tropical planet to survey and I'm without my bathing suit." He groused good naturedly, eliciting some weary chuckles from the two young red shirt nearby.

"Already to get the next lot of samples up to the ship, Evans?"

"Yes sir, only Commander Spock, Ensign Ryan and Ensign Stephens left planet side." Evans

reported, pausing to catch his breath in between words. "Damn these things are heavy."  
"Get yourself back to the ship, pack mules. You deserve some rest. I'll go see what's taking Spock so long." McCoy grinned, kicking off the tree and heading along the beach to the copse of trees where he had seen Spock last.

The going was tough through the denser underbrush and the craggy, mossy hills surrounding the beach didn't afford much viewing distance but the small party had left a nice, crushed trail of shrubbery in their wake which McCoy found easy enough to follow. Perhaps ten minutes from the beach and up a steep incline, McCoy found Ensign Taylor sitting on a mossy rock beside several large, clear tubes of specimen samples. The boy - no man, McCoy mentally corrected himself, feeling very old - was staring off into space, looking incredibly bored. 

"You know, you're a terrible look out." McCoy whispered into his ear after he crept up behind him. Taylor's reaction was priceless as he jumped off the rock and span to face McCoy with his arms in front of his face. McCoy nearly doubled over in laughter, bracing himself against the rock Taylor had been sitting on. "Boy, with reactions like that you'll never make command!"

"I'm sorry Sir, you startled me." Taylor offered indignantly, raising his chin defiantly against McCoy's mirth.

"That much is evident." McCoy said, regaining his gravity. "In all seriousness, we're on a foreign planet boy, you shouldn't let your guard down like that. How do you know there ain't something waiting to leap out and devour you amidst the trees?"

"The scans from the ship showed no non-bacterial life on this planet, sir." Taylor said swiftly, his cheeks flushing red in anger moreso than embarrassment.

"Scan's don't know everything, trust me. Take it from an old space dog that the best piece of equipment is your own wits. Now, have you seen that lovely young Ensign and that ugly old Vulcan anywhere?"

Taylor jerked his thumb towards a dark, cavernous opening on a rock face a few meters away looking sourly at McCoy.

"He said something about lichen." McCoy sighed as he peered into the murky depths.

"Trust that damn Vulcan to find a filthy, dark cave on a sunny tropical planet. You stay out here and guard the samples - oh and try not to let any more southern gentlemen creep up on you while I'm gone." Before Taylor could reply to McCoy's barb, the doctor had already began forging ahead into the cave with his belt light on full intensity.

"And try not to let any more Southern gentlemen sneak up on you while I'm gone." Taylor mocked once he believed McCoy was sufficiently deep inside the cave. He sullenly sat back down on the rock, crossing his arms angrily. As a operations officer he had to clock up a certain amount of hours planet side - but if people had told him that those hours would be spent guarding specimen trays he'd have chosen to go down the pilot route rather than command. Perhaps if Taylor spent less time brooding and more time actually on look out, like the good Doctor had suggested, he might have noticed that he was being watched.

_**IOIOIO**_

Spock ran his flash light around the huge cavernous space in front of them. The beam of light caught on the crystals in the wall which glittered back like stars and illuminated a cloudy, gentle lake which - despite any evidence of wind - had tiny ripples like waves across the surface.

"Pretty." Ensign Ryan said, coming to stand beside him. She had a half full specimen rube over her left shoulder and gripped the strap tightly in fear. She really, _really_ hated caves...or any enclosed space for that matter. She could deal with a ship as that was man made and was specifically designed to not tumble in on its inhabitants causing a slow painful and lonely death beneath the surface of the world....

"_HAPPY THOUGHTS!_" She desperately chanted to herself as Spock led them out into the cavernous expanse.

"It appears there are organisms living in the lake. I'd estimate that the rippling and cloudy pigmentation are the result of metalotolerant organism present in the water if the high naturally occurring metals are anything to go by. We should collect some samples." Spock said into his tricorder, adjusting the spectrum of the scan and pressing on without even looking at the Ensign. Katie tried to ignore the stifling, oppressive heat emanating from the lake and the fact she had several metric tons of rock above her as she skipped a long after him, trying to avoid the slick, mossy areas while still keeping up with Spock's long gait. Charm had been wrong, Vulcan's could hate and she was convinced that this one despised her. He had set an absolutely gruelling pace since he got to the planet, seemingly oblivious to Kate desperately trying to keep up with him, and he hadn't let her do anything more useful than carry things. She was about at breaking point. Surely Mister Spock had heard about the infection, her clumsiness wasn't her fault. She could be trusted!

So deep was she in her internal tirade that her foot landed on the edge of one of the mossy slicks and her foot went straight out from under her. The specimen tube went flying off her arm and her flailing leg found its target in a solid, hard kick to the rump of an incredibly surprised Vulcan. Katie sat there for several seconds, her blood was running cold and she was absolutely frozen to the spot. Spock stayed in a half crouched position for a moment before slowly standing and turning towards her. Before he could say anything a loud guffaw of laughter came from above them and they both looked to see an incredulous looking McCoy illuminated by his belt light. Once he started laughing he couldn't stop.

"You just...kicked him...in the behind!" He panted between laughter, bracing himself against the wall. "Oh Ensign Ryan, I underestimated you."

"It was an accident Sir, I swear! I slipped!" Katie protested, alternating her horrified gaze between the serene Vulcan and the hysteric Doctor.

"This has been the best away mission I've ever been on. No deadly poisonous plants, no hostile locals, no hidden Klingons, no women for Jim to get suckered into helping and I just saw Spock get kicked in ass!" He started laughing again but without the overwhelming gusto of before. "You've made my day."

"If you're quite finished Doctor McCoy, I suggest you return to the surface. Once I collect some samples down here I will join you." Spock said cooly, apparently unruffled. "You may join in him Ensign." Katie at first was relieved but then she actually looked up to where McCoy stood. The opening was about 10 meters above them and there was no path from that opening to the cavern they were in. There was only one other passage large enough for man to fit through and that had been near the mouth of the cave. She'd have to walk back up the winding, slippery, dark, claustrophobic tunnel all by herself. Even the thought of it had bile creeping into her throat.

"Actually, I'd prefer to stay here with you Mister Spock. We'll finish up presently and can return together." She said in what she hoped was a level reasonable tone. Spock regarded her cooly, arching his eyebrow in that oh-so condescending manner of his.

"You have helped quite enough Ensign." He responded, stooping to pick up the specimen sample which tethered precariously on the edge of the pool. He slung it over his own shoulder even while she silently cursed herself for not retrieving it as soon as she had dropped it. What a damned fool she must look.

"Oh Spock, give the kid a break. This entire cave is covered in moss." McCoy said, indicating the blue, yellow and green smears up the walls and along the floor. "We're not all blessed with Vulcan equilibrium like you." He winked at her.

"Evidently." Spock said, returning his attention to his tricorder.

The discussion was closed as far as he was concerned, she had her orders. McCoy smiled at her and shrugged, turning back into the dark cave behind him and disappearing. Katie watched Spock pick his way over to the other side of the lake, engrossed in his tricorder readings and effortlessly navigating around the moss. If she could have willed some force to make her disappear right there and then, she would have. As it was not possible, she stood and carefully picked her way across the rocks, Mister Spock becoming only a waving flashlight in the gloom. Perhaps she should argue that it wasn't safe for him to be left down here on his own...but she was sure that any argument with Mister Spock would only end in her leaving and him staying anyway with the added bonus of him being even _more_ annoyed at her, as if that was possible. She decided to count backwards in French from one hundred while she navigated her way up the incline to the surface but lost count when she reached the 50's and realised she couldn't remember the difference between how you say 40's and 50's. She angrily started counting back from 100 in Spanish but stopped when she realised she could only count to 12 in Spanish and just new what 100 was anyway. She almost tripped over small rocks and outcrops several times but eventually the light from the cave opening showed ahead. She clicked off her belt light as she got closer to the mouth where she could hear voices.

"Stephens, wake up. Wake up Stephens god dammit!" The voice was definitely McCoys. Another streak of fear ran through her as she realised something must have happened to Taylor. She jogged up the uneven incline to the cave mouth as quick as she could.

"Doctor McCoy?" She asked as she emerged, Taylor was lying down in front of him beside a broken tree branch. There was a lot of blood. "Oh god, Taylor!" She ran to his side, smoothing back his snow blonde hair from his bruised forehead.

"He'll be alright, looks like a branch broke and fell on him. He's unconscious but the scanner showed no signs of swelling. I'd like to get him to sickbay though." McCoy reached for his controlled and flipped it open. "McCoy to transporter room one."

"Ensign Emmerson, Sir. Go ahead."

"Three to beam up, on my signal."

"Yes sir." They appeared in the transporter room seconds later to a very confused looking Emmerson and Scott.

"Ye gads, what happened here?" Scotty asked, quickly navigating around the console and coming to McCoy's side.

"Silly idiot stood under a tree and got hit by a falling branch. He was probably swinging off it for all the sense he has." McCoy said tersely, "Could you help me with him Scotty?"

"Aye, no problem at all." The engineer said, scooping the slender ensign into his arms so easily that Taylor might have been no heavier than a tribble. The two men left the transporter room leaving a distressed pair of ensigns behind.

"Is he going to be alright? What happened?" Luke asked, poised over his console as if whatever got Taylor would get his baby too.

"I'm not sure, I was down in the cave with Mister Spock and when I came up McCoy was trying to wake up Taylor." She explained, all embarrassment from the fall earlier forgotten. Luke whistled under his breath.

"Well I guess if anything this gives me more time to figure out why the transporter malfunctioned earlier." Luke sighed, giving the console an affectionate look. Scotty was rubbing off on him. "I have some more sample algorithms to go through which might explain the fault due to some naturally occurring space anomalies."

"Samples...SAMPLES!" Katie's hands went to her head where they tangled in her short mousy brown hair. "Taylor was minding the samples we took from the forest. Mister Spock will be SO mad I left them there."

"Relax Katie, he's a Vulcan. He can't get mad. I'll beam you back down, you can get them, easy peasy." He winked at her, drawing her attention to the fact he had two different coloured eyes. It was this thought that stayed with her as he initiated the transport. Luke turned back to the console, hunkering down for another few hours. He was not giving up until he had an answer for Commander Scott, not a hope. 

** 

By the time she materialised Mister Spock was just emerging from the cave, the specimen tub slung over his shoulder was now full and his trust tricorder was hanging safely at his hip. He was adjusting the strap as he came out, barely giving Katie more than a flick of his eyes.

"Where are Doctor McCoy and Ensign Stephens." He asked, already at the collection of specimen tubes and checking their seals.

"When we got here Taylor was unconscious so Doctor McCoy felt it was expedient to take him to sickbay right away." She explained, he looked up at her with a brief eyebrow dance which made her face heat up again. What had she said wrong _this_ time. Mister Spock drew out his communicator from its little pouched and commed the transporter room.

"Please hone in on the following signal and beam the specimens to containment room 3." He ordered and they watched the tubes disappear. Mister Spock suddenly froze, his head cocking to one side - not unlike a dog - as if he was listening to something. He swung around to face Katie, his phaser drawn and she couldn't help the squeal of fright that escaped her. So Mister Spock was so annoyed he was going to kill her on some remote, forbidding, planet?

"Miss Ryan, please get down." He hissed, so quietly she barely heard him. While the urge to ask why was over whelming her, she decided it was best to just obey. Mister Spock crouched down also and they began to edge towards the tree line. The loud snapping of a twig to her right made her wince in fright and without hesitation Spock spun to face the noise and set off a blast into the trees. Nothing responded. He moved quickly to the area to see if his shot had been true but found nothing but some trampled and smouldering underbrush.

"Commander, what are you doing?" Hissed Katie, fumbling for her own phaser. Spock motioned her for silence again and crept quietly through the underbrush till he was out of sight. Katie checked her phaser was set for low stun and hunkered down under a moss log covered in bright red moss and little white flowers. A noise in the direction of where Mister Spock had disappeared made her jump and she pulled her phaser in close to her chest. He heart was racing faster than it ever had before. What had Mister Spock heard? What was he doing? Was he playing with her? Was this some kind of joke? She couldn't help but feel this was actually a little exciting, if also a little terrifying.

She heard another rustle from the direction Mister Spock had taken and she lay lower, peering into the gloom past numerous of the willow like trees that populated this area of the planet. A loud noise to her right made her spin to face it and a phaser blast went past her. With little time to aim she fired in the direction of the phaser blast and the quiet of the forest set back in. She stayed low, wondering if Mister Spock had heard her phaser and more than a little proud that she had hit her target if the groan was anything to go by and as she crept closer she could hear the sounds of movement back where Mister Spock had gone. He obviously had heard. She smiled to herself as she came to the tree that her prey had been hiding behind and finally caught sight of who she had shot.

"Oh crap." Mister Spock lay on his back, his phaser a few feet away and a smoking patch on his shirt where she had hit him. Her first though was almost blind panic as she realised she had just, stupidly, shot her commanding officer but cold realisation dawned on her as she heard another rustle from where Mister Spock had disappeared. If it wasn't him making that noise, then who was behind her?

_**IOIOIO**_


	5. A metaphorical kick up the

We few, we lucky few, we Mary Sue's

Estellio

Rating: Pg

Genre: Humour

Summary: It's always hard being the new recruit, but on a ship full of perfect officers, it's a nightmare. The life and trials of a wannabe Mary Sue. I welcome you to the Starship Enterprise, Mary-Sue population...about 800.

AN: Again, thank you all for your reviews. They give me the inspiration to keep writingm I'd probably have forgotten about this story if it wasn't for Rasberry Parfait. This is where the story will begin to pick up, I hope I've at least began to shape the story for what's to come and show how our beloved trio will end up changing the lives of the poor ensigns unlucky enough to be assigned to their ship. As always, I'm open to any feedback or critisisms you may have. Thank you for reading :)

_**IOIOIO**_

The moment Kirk got the news that Spock was in sickbay after suffering phaser fire, he was out of his chair and in the turbo lift. He hadn't sent down a large security detail because he believed the planet was safe but somehow, an uninhabited, unassuming and most importantly, a classified planet had a phaser wielding maniac on it. Trust Spock to find him too..

"Bones, report." He barked as he stormed into sickbay. Chapel and the new medical ensign froze.

"I'm afraid Doctor McCoy is engaged, Captain." Chapel offered smiling.

"Where's Mister Spock, is he alright?"

"I'm here Captain." Came Spock's sonorous voice as he sat up on the biobed. "I would have reported to the bridge but Miss Chapel wouldn't let me leave."

"I'm just following orders, don't shoot the messenger." She sighed, raising her arms in surrender and poorly disguising a smile.

"Spock, what happened?" Kirk demanded crossing his arms over his chest in a manner that brooked no nonsense. Why was everyone so god damn jovial?

"Tell him about the ass kicking you got first Spock, that's my favourite part." McCoy said, coming out of his office with a distraught looking Ensign in tow.

"Ass kicking?" Kirk asked the room. When was someone going to explain this to him?

"Yes, Ensign Ryan kicked me in my rear." Spock said, directing an infuriatingly calm look at her.

"You kicked him...in the...rear?" Kirk asked incredulously. The situation would have been hilarious if it wasn't his ship this madness was happening on.

"Well....uh yes, I did but what you don't understand is..."

"Oh give the kid a break Spock, she slipped. I was kinda hoping the kick knocked the stick out of your ass." McCoy said, leaping to her defense. "As well, you could have informed her of what you were trying to do before you snuck up on her. You fired in her direction, what did you expect her to do but return fire?"

"YOU shot Mister Spock?" Kirk had had his amazement quota for the day and wanted very much for this all to just go away. The girl was tiny, she'd come up to his shoulder at best and she looked as terrified as a doormouse but she was the one who brought down Mister Spock.

"Yes but let me explain. I didn't realise it was him." She said hurriedly, her pretty, pale features expressing her embarrassment like a splash of red across a white sheet.  
"You didn't realise it was him." Kirk said slowly, his eyebrow doing its best Spock imitation. "Well then, who did you think he was?" Katie looked like she was about to burst into tears for the second time, if her red rimmed eyes were anything to go by.

"Well Mister Spock seemed to hear something and he went off into the trees with his phaser, and I heard noises from where he disappeared so I assumed that he was making them and then I heard a noise behind me and there was a phaser shot so I fired back and it turned out to be Mister Spock." She said in a rush. Kirk closed his eyes and took a breath. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Spock, his Spock, the logical, efficient Spock who had pulled his ass out of the fire more times than he could remember had been taken down by a scared little girl playing Starfleet officer.

"I see." He said after a long pause. "So you returned fire believing there to be a threat as indicated by Mister Spock's actions. Spock didn't identify himself to you nor indicated his intentions to circle back around so there was no was no way you could have known it was him." Katie had become very still, her eyes downward and darting back and forth as if she was thinking. Kirk suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. He was very much certain that Katie hasn't even thought to look at Spock and check to see if he had identified what he was about to do. "You did check with Mister Spock, yes?"

"I don't remember seeing him signal, sir." She said hesitantly. Kirk looked at Spock who regarded him with cool eyes from his perch on the side of the biobed. Nurse Chapel and the young medical ensign were busying themselves refilling hyposprays but her gaze kept flickering to Spock as if she was afraid he'd flee for safety and his eyes were trained almost exclusively on the girl. Kirk almost smiled at the ensigns protective nature but there was no place for this carry on a ship of the line. They might be new recruits but they did the training, they passed through starfleet and now needed to pull their weight on the ship. Mistakes could mean lives, or if Spock had one, a bruised ego.

"Did you signal Spock?" McCoy asked, breaking the pregnant pause that was developing. Spock's eyes flickered from the now visibly shaking ensign to Kirk, he almost looked amused.

"I don't believe I did." Spock said slowly. McCoy looked torn between incredulous and relieved. It wasn't like Spock to make a mistake, the man was as meticulous to say the least.

"Alright Ensign," He fought to put a name to the face. "Ryan. You should probably go back to your quarters and get some rest." McCoy gave her a pat on the shoulder and a small push towards the door. She nodded to Kirk with a mumbled 'Sir' and sped towards the door. The medical ensign made a half step as if to follow her but Chapel shook her head and he went back to labelling hyposprays. Kirk looked thoughtful for a moment before turning to McCoy.

"Is he going to be alright?" He asked with a gesture towards Spock.

"Yeah, he's fine. I'd tell him not to over do it but it's not like he ever listens to me." McCoy replied good naturedly, the tension earlier lifted. Kirk wasn't sure when McCoy appointed himself guardian of the science ensigns but now that one of his chicks were in the clear, pappa hen was happy. Spock wasted no time in hopping off the bed and making a beeline straight for the door. He looked preoccupied, not that Spock ever looked like he wasn't thinking about something terribly important. Kirk nodded to Bones and Chapel and followed him out. While they were waiting for the turbolift Kirk spoke.

"You're not one to make an error like that Spock, it's practically unprecedented, so for you to make a mistake like that something really must have been weighing on your mind." Spock didn't respond, looking down at the floor and pursing his lips. "What did you hear Spock? It's an uninhabited planet, there was nothing down there. If it were anyone else I'd just think you were trying to scare her."

"I was not." Spock said, looking more obviously pensive. For his face to be so expressive, he really had to be worried. "I believed I heard an electronic beep."

"A beep?" Kirk said thoughtfully. "It could have come from something one of our guys left lying around."

"It did not sound like starfleet issue equipment."

"Well what did it sound like?" He asked. Spock looked thoughtful.

"That is what I am trying to discern. It did not sound like anything I have heard recently." The turbolift arrived and they both stepped inside and rode it to the bridge in silence. Kirk went straight to his chair, checking the display on its arm to see the ships status. He noticed with some interest that rather than go to his station, Spock moved straight to Lieutenant Uhura's empty station and fitted in her spare earpiece.

_**IOIOIO**_

"Go Fish." Taylor said, rocking back and forth on the hind legs of his chair.

"Careful now Tay or you'll fall and hit your head again." Charm warned, reaching to pick up a card.

"Maybe it'll knock some sense into him." Emmerson said distractedly, staring at his cards. "Any three's?"

"You asked me that last time, Luke are you even paying attention." Charm asked, regarding him skeptically over her cards,

"Damn, sorry. I just can't concentrate." Luke said, throwing them down. "It's that damn transporter, I've tried everything!" His tone became angry as he rubbed his face vigorously. "I doubt I'll even be able to sleep tonight."

"Oh wah wah, so you couldn't figure out why a random glitch happened in the transporters. There's like a million things that could've gone wrong. They'll just do a soft reset and it'll be fine and no one will care by next week."

"Oh, right, I'm going to take advise from a man who nearly got killed by a branch!" Luke snapped, standing up angrily.

"Would you two get a grip." Charm sighed. "Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is sane on this ship." The woosh of the doors drew their attention and they watched a yeoman walk in.

"That's the Captain's yeoman. Laura Farn-something or other. " Taylor mused, "Saw her with the Captain yesterday while I was on the bridge. We should call her over."

"Oh no we bloody shouldn't." Charm growled, tossing down her cards.

"Oh ho ho, the benevolent Mother Kashwini has a dark side after all." Taylor chuckled. Before she could respond the doors wooshed open again and Lt Uhura walked in with Katie trailing behind. Uhura breezed past them to sit at the table next to them, greeted by calls of other crew members which she smiled at and returned. Katie slipped in unseen and sat down heavily next to them. She looked drawn, her eyes were red rimmed and her hair disheveled.

"You look...rough." Charm said delicately.

"I've had a hard day." She said quietly.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really." She muttered, letting her head fall onto the desk. Charm reached across and patted her hand gently. "I thought Mister Spock would be furious but he didn't say anything at all and the Captain was totally okay with it too. I mean I shot a commanding officer, I SHOT Commander Spock."

"It was only on stun and there were mitigating circumstances." She cooed softly.

"There's still going to be an inquiry. What ship will have me after this tour of duty? I'm a mess."

"Why don't you just calm down poor dear, I'll get some tea for you." Luke offered, seeming to come back to reality for the first time since Katie entered.

"Oh, I get knocked unconscious and nearly die but I'm an idiot! She knocks over some specimen trays and shoots a commanding officer and she's a poor dear!"  
"My god, don't they teach manners to kids in America." Charm snapped.

"Luke's American!" He argued.

"I'm Canadian." Luke offered distractedly, getting up from his chair. Taylor frowned.

"Hey, I call a spade a spade. I wont apologise for that. If there's one thing Katie needs then it's a firm smack upside the head. You need to put your damn feet on the floor, stop mucking about and grow a spine." He said aggressively, slapping his hand on the table.

"Taylor, you ass." Charm began, getting up.

"No, no he's right." Katie said tiredly. "I've been a mess since I came here. Things were fine when we were in the academy, there were no surprises, no hidden variables or unknown quantities. It was safe. Ever since I came here I've just felt...off balance."

"Well you're a long way away from home now." Taylor said, slightly softer. "You need to adapt or go home. Which will it be?" Katie sighed, sitting back in her chair.

"I've had a long day, I'm going to head to my quarters and sleep." Without a further word she got up and traipsed towards the door. Luke chose this moment to sit back down with a steaming cup of milky tea.

"No tea?" He asked her retreating back but Katie was gone. He shrugged and sipped it himself.

"Taylor, you're still an ass." Charm hissed.

"What? It was about time someone said it. The kids been a shambles. I'm only being cruel to be kind."

"Kid, ha, she's only a year younger than you."

"Well she doesn't act like it. We're all new to this, it's time she grew up and got on with it like the rest of us. Molly coddling her hasn't done her any good up until now, so it's time we tried something new." He began to gather up the cards on the table. "Now I don't pretend to know what happened down there, I was a bit too busy being unconscious and I'll tell you now, that branch didn't fall on my head. It was solid to that tree, I heard a noise, went to investigate and next thing I know I'm in sickbay." This seemed to shake Luke out of his trance.

"She kicked him up the ass." Luke said, smiling. "I heard her babbling to Doctor McCoy when I beamed them up."

"You beamed them up?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah, I was in the transporter room investigating the glitch and Mister Spock called for the specimens to be beamed up, so I did that and got back to my readings. I was scanning the planet when I picked up phaser fire, I saw the Commander's life sign go a bit wonky so I beamed them the hell out of there when there was a lull in the fire."

"Good thinking." Charm said with a nod. "You also never really explained to us about this glitch."

"Well, when Commander Scott was beaming the party down he selected a nice clear site on the hills overlooking the beach, but they ended up almost three feet away on the x-axis, 1.3 feet away on the Y axis and 31cm on the Z axis. Now the calibration was perfect but they ended up .5 off the intended course. I know that mightn't seem much to you but across distances like that between a planet and a few points is a big deal. The data stream moved while it was in space. I've scanned every inch of it, ran every conceivable scenario and only one remains but it's so god damn impossible that I'm pretty sure Commander Scott would laugh at me if I brought it up."

"What's that?" Charm asked.

"Well the only possible explanation I can see is that something physical was in the way of the beam. Something physical, very large generating electromagnetic waves that could interfere with our transporters."

"Electromagnetic waves wouldn't interfere with out transporters, space is full of them." Taylor laughed.

"Not unless they were distorted."

"Distorted?" Taylor said sitting up. "You mean like a cloaking device."

"Yeah but the margin for error is absolutely tiny, the ship would have to be precisely in the path of the data stream and in a universe this size, the odds of that happening are minuscule."

"Excuse me." Uhura said politely, she was sitting forward in her chair, her chin resting delicately in her palms. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop but I couldn't help but overhear. If you think it's possible I really think you should go to Scotty with this."

"The chances are ten million to one!" Luke protested.

"Kirks second law." Uhura said seriously. "If there can be a hostile alien presence, there will be a hostile alien presence."

"I agree with the Lieutenant." Taylor said. "The odds are small but it's still your duty to report it." Luke looked into his tea as if this all seemed a bit ridiculous to him then downed it in three large gulps.

"Alright, I'll go find the Commander now." He sighed, marching towards the door. Uhura smiled brightly at the two ensigns and turned back to her table, crossing her long dark legs in a manner that gave Taylor pause for thought.

"Lieutennant, if I can ask one thing." Taylor said smiling charmingly at her.

"Oh anything for you, Ensign." Uhura responded sweetly, turning her dark eye'd gaze back on him.

"If that's Kirk's second law, what's Kirk's first?" At this Uhura chuckled.

"Why, if there can be a girl, there will be a girl." She winked at them and turned back to her table, leaving the two ensigns to think on that.


End file.
